Sunday, 10 May 2015

College, growing up and Mommy



To be a recluse means you are a recluse even at home. Which meant that for a major part of my life, I was introverted by nature and never really had "those" conversations with anyone in the family. Mom was no different then. Throughout my school life I was always that nerd who is always engrossed in books, textbooks alternated by novels and major non fiction. This is my personality till date.

Soon enough, life happened. I started college and reality stuck me dumb more times in a day than I could count.
I never realised that I'd need anyone more than the roles they played uptil then. I couldn't have been more wrong.
So, college kept me busy. If the studies weren't enough, I would further be engaging in societies and clubs, bagging internships and fellowships. I was literally slogging my ass off every night. Sleep reduced to a petty 4-5 hours.
Everything added up and took a toll. 

To say that the two years of college have been a roller coaster would be a fierce fierce understatement. I have been lost, I have been found. I have lived myself hated myself. Battled countless psychological conditions. Been good to people. Been rude to people. Pursued catharsis. Pursued energy. I have made friends, created bonds, mended broken ones, ruptured new ones.
Been involved in community, society and multiple groups.
Acting as if I am grown up, as if I am ready for this all.
I have cried alone. (Yes alone because some things never change) And truth is I am all grown up and mature to handle all of life on my own. I run this book blog. I have a larger community of fandoms. I haven't been more alive. EVER.

You might think, this was supposed to be about my mom. Why am I making this about me? Am I that shallow and selfish?
Trust me, it IS indeed about me. All through this phase where I had been alive, learning umpteen new things everyday, I was also bringing these ideas and constructs home. I am in the transition phase where I am on my path to independence in the true representation of a modern woman. And I te ideas I bring home, the theories I propound are at best radical for my mom. Initially when I started all of these extra curricular activities, She would be reluctant to send me off to dingy places. Within the precinct of reason, I used to resist that reluctance. I saw the helplessness in her eyes: a typical teenage daughter getting rebellious. Only, it wasn't typical. Turns out, two years and a lot of friction and arguments later my mom is the most supportive human being you will ever meet. She is the one person too happy for words, at the prospect of her daughter flapping her wings and flying.
Yes her presence has always been comforting. And yes, on rough days, All I need to do is sleep in her lap and the tears start shedding. I talk to her about it if I want to, I don't if I think I can manage on my own. But her hands on my head, offering their warmth on my head are the greatest stress-buster.
I always have my mom to come home to, and it is a wonderful feeling.
She remains my first expert: the first one to challenge me, to get under my skin, the force to make me push my boundaries, and the ultimate refuge.

I was thinking of skipping a post on this day and theme, because well, loving your mom on Mother's day is too mainstream, (not to mention I did make her a fruit shake and chocolate frappe to beat the heat which considering that I am at odds with the kitchen is a Herculean task, a gift for her. Godrej appliances can take all credit they want.) this post's inspiration is courtesy Godrej and Indiblogger.

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