Dear Reader, You Might Not Love Me After This
Hi
I'm Kritika.
I think I like being vulnerable. I'm terrified of it, but I end up befriending vulnerability. Which is part of the reason I've written this and you are reading this- because I decided to put the rawest description of myself out here.
I think that often, when we introduce ourselves, we use labels. Or relations. That's a great way to identify oneself, granted. But a person is so much more than who all s/he is related to. That, and I abhor labels.
So,
Here goes:
I wasn't born into a rich (or even a sustainable) family per se. I say this first and foremost not at all because I want your sympathy (REALLY, it isn't what this is about, you'll see) but because a lot of who I am, is a result of this. All my experiences have been influenced by my limited economic resources.
I wasn't born particularly talented either. The only way I've known to get things done is through hard work. I've come to believe that if you persist long enough and work hard enough, you'll get there. I've reached wherever I have based on this belief. Inshallah, I might get someplace you can see me better, with the same belief, too.
What do I do?
I'm both a student and a working professional. I had to defer my education not because it was cool, or practical or wise to do (as I may have told you because I was scared of being judged for the truth) but because I couldn't afford it.
I'm working multiple jobs and freelancing assignments to be able to afford the education I know I deserve. Whenever you're in doubt, ask me and I will tell you: every penny counts. I've had to compromise my belief systems, but you shouldn't think for one moment that my loyalties have been shaken. Loyalties are built on the same ground as my mettle is- it is a deserted land that even volcanoes stay away from.
I read. A lot. Books are a great escape, even though momentary on most days, from the tough life that beckons me. It's a cliché, but I'd buy a book even if it's a cliché so there's that.
I can get really clumsy and a magnet for trouble, falling off on stairs, getting electric shocks, getting hit by stationery vehicles. But try me, and I can run in heels.
I love an aesthetically pleasing Instagram feed, and my pun game is mediocre, but I give the best responses that make you go , "What a burn"
But,
I get offended and hurt by some jokes. Like when you innocuously ask me to treat you thrice because I have 3 jobs, defying all logic. I retire with a heart a little more broken than before.
I get offended and hurt by some jokes.
Like when you told me I should stop being so chirpy and warm all the time. What do you know? I've been cold and it isn't pleasant. I retire with a heart a little more broken than before.
I get offended and hurt by some jokes.
Like when you mocked my dream of owning something that was beyond my means. I will have enough money to buy it one day, okay? I retire with a heart a little more broken than before.
Coming from my position, I've to remind myself everyday that I'm no less deserving of what I'm trying to own. I have to convince myself it is not an entitlement. I have to convince myself that all the stakes are worth it.
I think a lot of you care, but very few care enough to graduate your care into action. I do know a few people who keep reminding me I'm stronger than I think. And that keeps making me stronger. Having the right people in your life is important.
I haven't achieved anything mind-blowing, except that I'm decent at what I do- I'm not a revered slam poet, nor am I an accomplished published author. I'm not famous and accomplished like many mini-celebrities my age (or younger to me) are. So you have no reason to be awestruck by me.
Maybe I haven't reached the pinnacle that others with a head-start have, maybe I never will - but I've been told that it inspires people to think that someone can live off hope for a better tomorrow, that someone can work 20 hours a day and yet with a smile on her face, look forward to the next day. So I shared this.
You might stop loving me after this because who can like a girl who rants about the flaws and inadequacies in her life. You might stop loving me after this because who can love the girl whose only superpower is that she can work hard, day in and day out? You might stop liking me because "why is she spoiling my mood it's a Saturday night." You might stop liking me because it isn't glamorous to write stuff like this and I seem, in all likelihood an attention-seeker to you.
I will understand if you don't like me anymore, but please don't judge me
